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Good Parenting

March 13th, 2010
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Good Parenting

There?s no such thing as a perfect parent, and there?s no manual that can teach you how to be a good one. Yet there is such a good thing as good parenting, just as sure as there?s bad parenting. Almost everyone gets married and many of those people have children together and end up being parents, so knowing how to parent effectively is something good to know and worth learning. However, a lot of the learning comes not from an outside source but from yourself. There?s no template for being a good parent; you might encounter examples of good parenting out there but every set of children and parents is different, so you can?t take some other family?s model and just apply it to your own. You have to figure out what works for your family, drawing from your experiences and from common sense.

Of course being a parent isn?t easy. You have to take care of someone who depends on you, fulfilling their needs and giving them guidance while paying attention to your own life as well. You?re playing the role of protector, role model, nurturer, friend and disciplinarian all at once. When you put it all into perspective, good parents are really amazing people indeed.

So what does good parenting consist of? Simply put, a good parent raises their child to be capable of surviving in the world. Some people confuse good parenting with just providing their children with everything possible like food, money and possessions but this actually inhibits children by not allowing them to fend for themselves. In order to survive in the world, one needs to be able to stand on their own two feet while depending on support every so often. Support often comes in the form of social relationships. In order to form relationships, one needs to be reasonably kind and open. In order to be kind and open, people need to have that demonstrated and enforced in them, and this is where parents come in.

There?s bound to be many bumps along the way, sometimes you?ll feel like putting your kids up for adoption but in the end you stick together because you love each other. Loving your children and showing it the right way is at the heart of good parenting. Be there for your children when they need it, don?t overindulge them, equip them with the tools necessary to be self-sufficient so that when they have their own children, they will do the same.

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The Fine Art Of Baby Wearing

March 10th, 2010
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The Fine Art Of Baby Wearing

Many moms dream of the moment their baby comes into the world. They have a scenario in their mind of the doctor placing the baby on their chest so that they can gaze at each other and bond. This happens, but not always. Some moms do not bond at first sight, and some babies have problems that cause them to spend some time in the NICU away from parents for a few hours, days, or even months. If you did not bond right away, don’t worry ? you will. Baby wearing is one way that you can stay close to your baby and bond with them if you feel that it did not happen right away, or even if it did. It is a great way for all babies to be close to parents no matter what.

Baby wearing brings baby close to the skin and the scent of their parents. This will help bonding, and will also encourage baby to eat more if they are breastfeeding. The only security a baby knows right away are the smells and sounds that they remember from the womb. This includes the scent of mom and the warm feeling of skin on skin. A baby knows mom by the scent of her breast milk as well as by the scent of her skin. Baby will want to be close to feel secure, and baby wearing is a great way to accomplish this.

Premature babies will respond well to baby wearing. This can be done in the NICU, even when baby has various tubes and wires attached. Parents can do what is called Kangaroo Care. This is placing the diapered baby up against the bare chest of mom or dad. Studies have shown this helps them thrive not only from the closeness to mom and dad, but also because they can hear the heartbeat, which is soothing to them as it is a familiar womb sound. This can be done at home after baby leaves NICU or for full term babies as a bonding ritual.

Baby slings are great ways to go about learning baby wearing. These can keep baby close while allowing mom or dad to go about doing the things they need to do. You can sit in a chair with baby but not everyone has time to do this for hours on end each day. In a sling, baby is close to you and your warmth and smell, but your hands can be free for whatever you have to do. Baby slings are versatile and can be worn in many ways depending on the age of your baby. See instructions for baby wearing that come with your sling. Some come with a DVD that shows you what to do.

Baby wearing can be done in many ways. If this is something you want to do, talk with your pediatrician about safe ways to keep baby close to you. This can be done as a part of attachment parenting or on its own if you do not feel that all aspects of attachment parenting are for you. Remember to keep baby close but also to keep baby safe. If your style of keeping baby close means a snuggle in the chair each day, by all means go with it. Your child will grow up safe and secure if they know you are always going to be there for them. That lesson starts from day one.

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Index of /articles/articles

March 8th, 2010
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Media Violence

February 5th, 2010
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Media Violence

There is a lot of debate about media violence, particularly in its effects on children. Although no one really claims that all problems with aggressive kids are caused by violence in the media, everyone knows that it does have some affect on some people. The real question comes down to a chicken or the egg sort of thing: we know that violent kids and young adults tend to be more interested in media violence than most people, but we don’t understand the cause effect relationship. Are these people interested in violent programming and games because they are violent people, or do they become violent people because of their interest in violent media?

Some parents take a very aggressive position on media violence. I know a few families that will cut off the access their children have to any but the most nonviolent and nondestructive media. They claim that, through limiting exposure to Hollywood movies, violent music, and video games, they can make their children grow up to be more peaceful, productive people. This approach requires a lot of sacrifices and very vigilant parenting. It is hard to live in a modern urban or suburban environment and restrict your child’s access to the media.

Then again, there are other people who focus more on violent behaviors and aggressive emotions than on media violence per se. This has always been my approach personally. Rather than trying to limit what my children watch or what games they play, I try to help them engage in activities that will make them feel more peaceful and less prone to anger. By making sure my kids get enough exercise, do meditation and yoga, and feel comfortable talking about their feelings, I can help them become more psychologically healthy and happy. In my mind, this is probably the best antidote to living in a violent society.

I suppose that, no matter what your position, the important thing is to show that you care. All parents make mistakes, and even your whole approach to violent programming might be the wrong one. Nonetheless, by doing your best to take an active role in your child’s life, you are showing that you are interested in what happens to them. Just by taking the time to care, you really can change things for the better. Not every parent knows what to do, but every parent knows they have to do something. This is the first step towards being a good parent and a good role model.

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What Baby Adoption is all about

February 3rd, 2010
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What Baby Adoption is all about

Baby adoption refers to the legal procedure of gaining rights to bring up somebody else?s baby. People seek to adopt in a bid to either start or expand their own families. There are people who give birth to children and then choose to give them up for adoption. These people may not be in a position to take care of the baby at the moment. There are babies who are abandoned by their parents and they end up in homes where they are taken care of until a suitable foster home is granted the rights. People seeking to adopt a baby need to learn more about the adoption procedures and discuss it with their partners as well as family members.

If there are other children in the family, they need to be briefed on what their guardians are just about to embark on to prepare them psychologically. They also need to learn to accept this new addition to the family and take them like one of them. There are several types of adoption and people willing to adopt need to go through them to pick the one that falls within their needs. Baby adoption comes with a price and people ought to have planned before hand. For them to be granted adoption rights, they must meet some requirements which are laid down by adoption agencies. They must have stable families and must have the material support necessary to bring up this baby in the right environment.

They will also be required to settle for an adoption lawyer who will handle the transactions on their behalf. This will tag along with the adoption agency they have chosen to use to get their baby. This adoption agency will issue them with a form which they will have to fill in with the help of the attorney. This form will show their suitability and the final decision lies on the information they give. Adoption laws which vary with different states will require the prospective parents to go through a process known as the ?home study?.

This will qualify their home as a suitable base to raise the adopted baby in. Pre-adoption classes will also be attended and this is where they will also learn about parenting. After they have satisfied the agency with their progress, they will be given an opportunity to locate the baby they wish to adopt. A baby adoption petition will then be filed after the baby?s arrival and then the adoption will be finalized. This will be followed up with more lessons on post-adoption. It is advisable for prospective foster parents to consult others who have gone through the same. This will give them an insight on what to expect.

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After parenting adolescents, you should be fit for a diplomatic post!

December 31st, 2009
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After parenting adolescents, you should be fit for a diplomatic post!

Parenting children of any age group is difficult, at best. Becoming a parent brings with it so many responsibilities, along with the need for skills you might never have required in your entire work career. Understanding and effectively dealing with children is much different than working with a group of adults. While adults have, for the most part, developed a rational and logical approach to others, kids are clueless on these points. Parenting adolescents is probably the most difficult challenge you’ll face.

Once you get into the terrible two’s, you know you’re in for a roller coaster ride of the natural phases of emotional development. Most parents get somewhat of a reprieve during the years leading up to the preteen stage. Kids are usually more pliable and willing to go along with the program, from the ages of, say 8-12. Some parents are lulled into the misconception that they’ve got everything under control and these, mostly, cooperative children will continue in this fashion right on through adolescence. Ah, you think, parenting adolescents will be a breeze. Not.

This false sense of security often leads parents down the primrose path, becoming overly indulgent. Failing to stand by your guns on the rules, establishing and maintaining reasonable limits during the 8-12 age group, can actually cause confusion in young kids. If exceptions to the rules are made, either as a reward, or just a what-the-heck attitude on your part, the lines on behavior blur.

Let’s say that you have established that bad behavior results in the consequence of a restriction of privileges and that you almost always enforce that rule. Then, a situation arises where your child has definitely crossed the line, warranting the restriction of privileges. However, on this particular day, your child has been invited to a sleepover she’s dying to attend. ?Oh, please, Mama! I won’t watch TV for a week, if only you’ll let me go!? You give in. The message your child receives is that consequences do not necessarily apply. These occasional exceptions set you up for a more difficult period of parenting adolescents.

On the other hand, you do not want to be so strict that you are directing every move they make. There’s got to be a delicate balance between adhering to basic rules while still allowing for self expression. If you are too strict, this can lead to more extreme forms of rebellion, making parenting adolescents an absolute nightmare.

Parenting books can be useful in acquiring the skills and understanding that allow you to walk that middle line. There’s another resource, which you might not have thought of, but which can prove invaluable. Try a book on the skills diplomats employ when dealing with thorny international relations. In many ways, political leaders can be just as immovable and recalcitrant as adolescents. You may learn much about successfully parenting adolescents by studying great statesmen. While you’ll have to adapt the techniques to an adolescent point of view, such reading can be a great asset.

By the time you’ve successfully navigated the parenting adolescent phase and you’ve got a well adjusted and responsible young adult, who knows? You might find a career in diplomacy!

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» Meaning Of Words at F-Rk.com Articles

December 27th, 2009
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Meaning Of Words

August 30th, 2009

Meaning Of Words

There is a popular attitude in this country among a certain misinformed segment of the population that the meaning of words is somehow fixed in stone. It is just amazing how many people believe this. People act as if words have one single definition which has always been will never change until the end of time as we know it. In reality, however, the meanings of words are highly malleable. Meaning changes depending on who is saying the words, what day it is, what situation they are in, and any one of hundreds of other factors.

I think I sensed this when I was a kid. My parents were very into training us to be resourceful children, so when we would ask for the meaning of words, they would have us look them up. Looking up words in the dictionary as a child was initially confusing to me. A lot of the time, the meaning of a word as it was explained in the dictionary didn’t quite match up with the book I was reading. Slowly but surely, I began to realize that the explanations of meaning were only approximate. They worked in some cases, but did not work in others.

As a linguist, I have dedicated my life to the meaning of words. I’m fascinated by definitions and the way they shift based on different cultures and subcultures. If you take a word like liberal, terrorist, freedom, faith, enemy, or anyone of thousands of politically contested words, you can see how people intentionally distort meaning to serve their purposes. The problem is that many people never really think about the meaning of words. They don’t understand that the language we use is intentionally manipulated behind the scenes, because they don’t understand that language is malleable. I find this endlessly frustrating.

Still, I am somewhat reassured by the fact that, for many children, an understanding of the meaning of words is a simple as opening up a dictionary. A love of language can start in early childhood, and can last a lifetime. This is why I’m careful to always get dictionaries for all of my young relatives. I may not be remembered as that cool uncle who got them a video game, but I might inspire something far more precious and ultimately more enjoyable than a few hours of gaming: I might inspire a lifetime of learning. And in my opinion, that’s one of the most precious things you can give.

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How parenting styles affect your kid’s overall development

December 19th, 2009
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How parenting styles affect your kid’s overall development

It’s been said that parenting doesn’t come with an instruction booklet. When you become a parent, you enter into uncharted territory. While you can consult with your own parents on the proper care and behavior of these little ones, it’s also true that every child is unique. Another factor which bears mentioning is that if your parents were the overly strict type, you may tend towards a more permissive parenting style. The reverse is also true. All parents want to be the ‘perfect’ parent, but of course this is next to impossible! You must also take into account your child’s temperament and style.

There are three basic styles of parenting. One is the authoritarian, strict parent, who tends to be overly controlling and is not open to discussion on issues. This type of parenting style emphasizes obedience and brooks no disagreement.

The authoritative parenting style is more moderate. This means limits are set, but discussion is encouraged. Children generally respond better to this strategy, as they learn self control while still having a say on why one decision is better, or preferred, over another.

The last is the permissive parent, most often the product of an authoritarian upbringing. Reacting to their own too strict parents, they swing to an opposite style, often spoiling their children, allowing them to make their own rules, exerting too little authority. This parenting style usually results in kids who lack self control, because they never learn how to set limits.

So which parenting style results in the most well adjusted, socially responsible kids? The moderate, authoritative parent is most often found to be best. One large study, conducted over a period of years found an interesting correlation between parenting styles and children’s weight. Children of both authoritarian and permissive parents tended to be overweight at a much higher rate than those of the authoritative, moderate style!

However, there’s more to this parenting style than meets the eye. Children have different temperaments and this is a vital consideration. Let’s say you have two kids, one whose personality is the shy, tranquil type and the other who is more outgoing and aggressive. It’s easy to see that each child must be approached in different ways.

The shy child is naturally more passive in response to a directive and may be overly sensitive. While still being firm, you may need to help this child develop confidence and self expression. For example, this child asks to go out and ride his bike. It’s raining. You might say, ?Oh, sweetie, I know you love to ride your bike, but it’s pretty wet out there right now. That’s an easy way to catch a cold. What do you say to a game of cards until it clears up?? Along with the ‘no’ comes a reason, a request for his opinion and an alternative.

The outgoing child who makes the same request, may pose it as a statement. ?Mom, I’m going to go ride my bike.? Your response needs to be a little different. ?Sorry, Buddy, it’s raining. I don’t want you catching cold. See if you can think of another activity until it clears up?? There’s a subtle difference, in that you’re a little firmer and don’t need to mince words. The more aggressive child can deal with plain language better than a shy child and probably already has confidence to burn.

As you develop your unique parenting style, try to model it after the authoritative style, tempered by your child’s personality. Chances are that child will turn out just fine!

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» Children and books as lifelong friends: a love of reading produces informed adults! at F-Rk.com Articles

November 22nd, 2009
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Children and books as lifelong friends: a love of reading produces informed adults!

November 12th, 2009

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Children and books as lifelong friends: a love of reading produces informed adults!

With the alarming rate of illiteracy in the U.S. today, it’s imperative that parents introduce children to books at an early age. It should be a fact that children and books go together like two (happy) peas in a pod. We can make that happen. A love of reading encourages an inquisitive mind, critical thinking skills, helps develop a sense of humor, increases a desire for knowledge and moral values. Books can help a child learn empathy and compassion for others.

Children’s story books form the perfect introduction between children and books. Those nap time and bed time stories with toddlers form the basis of many a happy memory, which lasts into adulthood. Who would have thought that you’d remember Mom or Dad reading ‘The Wizard of Oz’, ‘The Tale of Peter Rabbit’ or ‘Lord of the Rings’, decades later? Yet, probably each of us does have such memories, fond recollections of time spent reading and imagining, before we ever learned to read.

Illustrations provide the bridge to the words of the story. Preschoolers are fascinated by the pictures which visually tell the story, from page to page. Children and books thus become the best of friends. Soon, your child becomes curious to find out how to read the words themselves. You can encourage this process subtly, occasionally linking a word on the page to the portion of the illustration that pertains to a word or idea. For example, tonight’s bedtime story is ‘Alligay Saves the Stars’. The story has numerous references to this cute little flying Alligator, trying to retrieve his boomerang from the starry sky. ?Look, aren’t the stars beautiful? You want to see which word means star?? The answer will likely be ?Yes!? ?Look at that big smile on Alligay’s face! Here’s where the word smile is. Yep, a great big smile!?

Before long, your toddler will begin to understand that the words you read relate to real objects and ideas. Words then become almost like magic. Surely, your child has, at some time or another, begged for ?…just one more story, please!? If it’s at all possible, try to never refuse these requests. This is how children and books become fast friends. When the time comes and they’re ready to learn their ABCs, you’ll have an eager pupil who now understands the power he or she has within their grasp.

Starting an early relationship between children and books does form a bond that lasts a lifetime. Frequent story reading sessions and trips to the library becomes an enjoyable past time and habit. As kids get older, they have a desire to expand their knowledge through reading. By the time they’re in third or fourth grade, you may find them choosing a book from the library in an area that’s of special interest to them. A book on frogs or astronomy. The point is, you’ve guided them to a point where they actively pursue knowledge through reading.

Such a child grows up to be a literate and well informed adult. This is undeniably ‘a good thing’.

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Parenting Young Children

November 21st, 2009
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Parenting Young Children

Parenting young children is one of the greatest challenges you will have to deal with. I know many parents of teenagers who complain about raising teens, but I think that if they reflected on what it was like to have a baby for even a moment, they would be thankful that their kids and started growing up. Raising young children is one of the most important and complex things that you can ever do. Everything you do affects your kids. If you pay too little or too much attention to them, if you overstimulate them or understimulate them, or if you don’t teach them the right lessons early in life, it will stick with them throughout their whole lives.

Unfortunately, most people don’t have the resources to go through systematic training for effective parenting. Many people actually get thrown into parenting young children, not adequately planning to have a child. Others don’t reflect enough on the realities of being a parent, assuming that it will be easy and natural. In some ways it is easy and natural. You instinctively know to hold a child when it is crying, you know to feed it when is hungry, and sometimes you can anticipate its needs in uncanny and fascinating ways. There is a natural bond between mother, father, and child in the human species.

Nonetheless, the more you know about the young children before you have to raise them yourself, the better off you are. Children go through a series of different developmental ages where different things are necessary. When they are very young, the main interest is learning to interact with their environment and slowly gaining independence. They need to have plenty of different toys to play with and geometrical shapes to experiment with, as well as the constant attention of their parents. They need to feel nurtured and safe so that they can gradually expand their world view, exploring more and more outside influences.

In this respect, parenting young children is like parenting toddlers, teenagers, or any other age group. ultimately, children are people who are trying to develop a fuller grasp and understanding of the world. They aren’t any different than everyone else, they are just at a different level than adults are. When you are parenting a young child, you have to understand what that child is capable of, what he isn’t capable of, and what he needs. The skills you need for parenting young children are not fundamentally different than the skills you need with middle schoolers, preteens, adults, and anyone else you might have to care for. The difference, of course, is the degree. Young children are extremely helpless in a way that other people aren’t. Nevertheless, if you remember that they are just like you and me, parenting young children will be easier for you.

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