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Learning From Failed Relationships

May 16th, 2010
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Learning From Failed Relationships

Letting go of a potentially great relationship can be hard, but not all relationships are meant to last forever. Some people meet the love of their life early on and stay with them for a lifetime, but that happens less and less these days. Even true love can fail sometimes, as life has a way of making you miserable when you have made other plans. Failed relationships are hard and painful, but you can always learn something about yourself and others when you are faced with one. Learning can help you move on

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May 14th, 2010
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December Horoscope

March 21st, 2010
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December Horoscope

If you have a December horoscope, then that means that you?re either a Sagittarius or a Capricorn. The range for Sagittarius is December 1st to December 22nd, and the rest of the month falls in Capricorn territory. Despite being in the same month, Sagittarius and Capricorn are actually quite different characters. It?s interesting to think that if an individual born on the 22nd had been born just a day later, they might have had quite a different temperament?and a different December horoscope.

Sagittarius is ?the archer,? specifically a centaur?half horse and half man?according to Greek mythology. Hercules was attacked by centaurs, and in the distance he mistook Chiron, a good centaur and his tutor for one of the attacking centaurs and shoots him with an arrow, killing him. Because of Hercules? sorrow, Zeus places Chiron in the sky as the constellation Sagittarius. Capricorn is ?the goat.? Greek mythology models Capricorn after Pan, the goatish god of shepherds and flocks,

The nature of Sagittarius is said to be optimistic and straightforward. Sagittariuses are also very ambitious and curious people, always trying to accomplish their goals and acquire knowledge even when they face failure. They have a strong sense of morality, which often manifests as religious devotion. In their relationships with other people, they are reliable and trustworthy. However, Sagittarius can also be impatient and quick to anger. They may also be restless and inconsiderate, and sometimes too optimistic to the point of blindness. They are prone to being domineering and being superstitious.

Capricorns are serious, independent and determined. They are very resourceful, respectful to authority and they think about things practically. They persevere under difficult conditions and they are successful because they plan decisions carefully and they can put aside other concerns to single minded pursue a goal. On the negative side, a Capricorn can be pessimistic, moody and ?capricious.? They might be uncomfortable in relationships because they are self contained and keep to themselves. They can also be rigid in conventional beliefs and come off as emotionless.

The December horoscope for Sagittarius advises individuals to be cautious of making rash decisions, while the Capricorn December horoscope suggests being social and working harmoniously with others. Common sense suggests that individuals of both zodiac signs should be careful not to make decisions without thinking them through and try to maintain harmonious relationships with other people as best as they can.

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The Importance of Strong Marriage Relationships

March 16th, 2010
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The Importance of Strong Marriage Relationships

If you look around to see how many men and women are cheating, or how many have cheated in the past, you may be surprised to see how common this can really be. There are also some that grow up with weird ideas about marriage relationships, and we wonder why they are the way they are. These relationships are often put on the backburner when work and children tend to take over life, but that is something that could mean the end of your marriage. Make sure you know what being married really entails before you say your vows.

Marriage relationships are not self-sustaining. Though it would seem that after you take your vows you think you are going to be together no matter what, you should look at divorce statistics to see that this is not always the case. You have to put effort into marriage relationships or they are going to falter. We always assume our partners know that we appreciate them or that they are loved, but it needs to be shown just as it was when you were only dating. That alone is one of the biggest reasons why spouses cheat. They aren?t getting validation at home. That is not an excuse, but rather, and explanation.

There are many things that can put that type of strain on marriage relationships. Not having enough time for each other is one of the biggest problems out there. We always feel that our children should come first. While it is important that they are a top priority, they should not be more important than the marriage relationship with your partner. If you do not get along or communicate, the marriage will fail. Instead of happy children with two parents, you may end up with sad children wondering what happened. Making time for each other is the best thing that you can do for your children.

Marriage relationships can also be strained by outside forces if you do not see what is going on. If someone is going out a lot to get attention because you are too busy, they may be getting that attention from someone you won?t like. Friends can also be a huge influence on marriage relationships if they are too involved in your life. Alcohol can always be a problem as well, as it does not leave us in our right minds. Save those drinking nights for the ones when you are with your spouse for the sake of marriage relationships.

What you do in your marriage relationships is going to mean more to your children than you know. They are going to learn what love is and how each should be treated in marriage relationships by watching what you do. What they see is what they are going to look for in a spouse when they get older. If you have a strong, loving, and stable relationship, they are going to have a much better chance of having the same thing. That reason alone should be good enough to get you motivated to keep your marriage alive and happy.

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Good Parenting

March 13th, 2010
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Good Parenting

There?s no such thing as a perfect parent, and there?s no manual that can teach you how to be a good one. Yet there is such a good thing as good parenting, just as sure as there?s bad parenting. Almost everyone gets married and many of those people have children together and end up being parents, so knowing how to parent effectively is something good to know and worth learning. However, a lot of the learning comes not from an outside source but from yourself. There?s no template for being a good parent; you might encounter examples of good parenting out there but every set of children and parents is different, so you can?t take some other family?s model and just apply it to your own. You have to figure out what works for your family, drawing from your experiences and from common sense.

Of course being a parent isn?t easy. You have to take care of someone who depends on you, fulfilling their needs and giving them guidance while paying attention to your own life as well. You?re playing the role of protector, role model, nurturer, friend and disciplinarian all at once. When you put it all into perspective, good parents are really amazing people indeed.

So what does good parenting consist of? Simply put, a good parent raises their child to be capable of surviving in the world. Some people confuse good parenting with just providing their children with everything possible like food, money and possessions but this actually inhibits children by not allowing them to fend for themselves. In order to survive in the world, one needs to be able to stand on their own two feet while depending on support every so often. Support often comes in the form of social relationships. In order to form relationships, one needs to be reasonably kind and open. In order to be kind and open, people need to have that demonstrated and enforced in them, and this is where parents come in.

There?s bound to be many bumps along the way, sometimes you?ll feel like putting your kids up for adoption but in the end you stick together because you love each other. Loving your children and showing it the right way is at the heart of good parenting. Be there for your children when they need it, don?t overindulge them, equip them with the tools necessary to be self-sufficient so that when they have their own children, they will do the same.

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Separation Anxiety Disorders

March 12th, 2010
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Separation Anxiety Disorders

A psychoanalyst named John Bowlby researched extensively in child development and came up with the idea of attachment theory, which is still very influential today and has been built upon since. The idea has to do with how infants bond with their caregivers and how that affects their development. In its very basic form, attachment theory classifies individuals into 3 different attachment styles: secure, anxious/ambivalent, and avoidant. If the infant?s caregiver (primarily the mother or parents) is responsive to their needs, the infant develops a secure attachment style. If the caregiver is inconsistently responsive, sometimes there and sometimes not, the infant develops an anxious/ambivalent style. If the caregiver is not responsive, the infant develops an avoidant attachment style. Generally, secure individuals easily form normal relationships, anxious/ambivalent individuals are worried about their relationships and might get involved in them excessively, and avoidant individuals are more withdrawn in relationships.

These styles were exhibited in Ainsworth?s Strange Situation study in which infants were separated from their mothers. Secure babies cried when their mothers left, and were happy when she came back. Anxious/ambivalent babies cried when their mothers left, then were happy that the mother came back, but also upset that she left. Avoidant babies had little reaction when the mother left, and little reaction when she returned. When the baby cries in distress at the mother?s absence, this is referred to as separation anxiety. Separation anxiety is a healthy sign of an attachment to a caregiver.

However, sometimes this separation anxiety becomes excessive and it becomes a case of a separation anxiety disorder. Separation anxiety disorders can occur in adults as well as children, and it?s actually more common in adults. Symptoms of separation anxiety disorders include extreme degrees of distress when a significant other is absent, fear that the significant other won?t return, fear of being alone, fear of events that will result in being separated from the significant other, the need to sleep with the significant other close by and recurring nightmares about being separated. Separation anxiety disorders are correlated with lower education and unstable home life, and individuals suffering from them often suffer from other psychiatric disorders like panic disorder later in life.

It?s important for clinical psychologists to be aware of the prevalence of separation anxiety disorders, but they?re also difficult to study because it?s hard to draw the line between when separation anxiety is normal and when it becomes excessive. There are factors like culture and traumatic events that might contribute to anxiety. This is why there?s still a lot more to be understood about how separation anxiety disorders work and how they develop.

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Successful Relationships

March 11th, 2010
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Successful Relationships

Successful relationships all have certain things in common while unsuccessful relationships encompass all forms of misfortune and disaster. An unsuccessful relationship can be anything from a stale, old marriage were communication and romance have failed to a situation where serious problems like dating violence or drug abuse threaten the lives of one or both partners. A lot of relationship success, therefore, is the absence of serious personal problems. To be in a successful relationship, you need to be stable, happy, and self-actualized. You need to have the power within yourself to be happy before you can make someone else happy.

Successful relationships, however, require a whole lot more than that. There are plenty of people out there who are pretty happy on their own but aren’t able to communicate well enough to be in a successful relationship. I know all that from experience. A few years ago, I was dating a woman I thought was the woman of my dreams. She was beautiful, intelligent, driven, and extremely successful. I was also very together and successful, and I didn’t see any reason why it shouldn’t work between us. We both had prestigious jobs where we could make good money, and we were both calm, rational people.

Nonetheless, the relationship failed and failed miserably. We did not have what most successful relationships need: communication and the ability to compromise. Both of us were such type a personalities that we were unable to see where the other was coming from. Each of us always assumed that he was right and that the other one was wrong. We could discuss things for hours, but would still never come to an agreement.

We parted amicably, and we and stayed in touch for a couple of months, but I knew that I needed some serious help. I don’t know what she did after our dating experience, but I went in for therapy. I realized that there was one area where I really needed to grow if I was going to ever have successful relationships. Before I tried any more online dating sites or even went to a singles bar looking to make a connection, I knew that I would have to do something about my stubborn streak and learn how to listen.

Changing your whole attitude and learning a skill is Every bit as hard as it sounds. It took me months to make a breakthrough, and at times I was on the verge of giving up. In some ways I found the psychiatrist to be every bit as stubborn as I was, but I persevered and really made a breakthrough. Since then, I have had nothing but successful relationships. When I go out with a girl, I can say what I mean and hear what she means

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The War on Terrorism

March 8th, 2010
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The War on Terrorism

The war on terrorism came largely to attention in the aftermath of 9/11, and suddenly liquids weren?t allowed on board airplanes, shoes were checked at the gate, Al Qaeda became a regular media fixture, people became preoccupied with which US landmark was possibly next, and suicide bombers became a regular topic of discussion. One significant consequence of the 9/11 terrorist attacks was the increase in patriotism and hostility towards terrorists, who unfortunately were largely associated with the Middle East and prompted prejudice for a considerable period of time.

It became a common opinion that terrorists were ?crazy,? ?overzealous,? and any other adjective that denoted someone off their rocker. Why would people be willing to kill themselves for any kind of cause? It seemed like the only explanation was that terrorist groups were cults that recruited individuals and brainwashed them into blind loyalty, to the point that they would give up their lives and consider it an honor. But how would these individuals get attracted to such a group in the first place? Wouldn?t the fact that they had to train to become suicide bombers turn them off from considering membership? The war on terrorism has also resulted in interest regarding the psychology of suicide bombers. What is it that could possibly cause them to make this kind of life choice?

Some psychologists have pointed to group dynamics and terror management theory. People assume that a bunch of extremists are getting together, forming a terrorist super group and finding easily manipulated lackeys to carry out their work. But some might be surprised to know that members of cults and terrorists groups actually tend to be quite intelligent individuals. It might seem hard to believe, but bright people are also prone to the power of interaction within a group. When people who generally share an opinion get together in a group, they influence each other so that their opinion becomes more extreme as a whole. This is partly because of exposure to the idea and partly due to the need to belong and reinforcement from the other group members. Terror management theory helps explain why during the war on terrorism we tend to see the other side as one dimensionally evil. This is because when we become aware of death, we unconsciously protect ourselves by associating more with our social groups and denigrating others. 9/11 made death salient to us, therefore we became more patriotic and denounced terrorists as inhuman.

These kinds of processes don?t occur only in relation to the war on terrorism; they occur in any sort of group social interaction you can think of. In addition to keeping terrorism a priority, we would do well to be wary of how our social relationships dictate our actions and choices in our daily lives.

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March 8th, 2010
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Dating Advice For Women

March 7th, 2010
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Dating Advice For Women

As most women know, men can be confusing and obstinate creatures. I have been a relationship therapist for about 6 years now, and in all that time, I have given out plenty of dating tips for women. When I first started my job, I noticed a big difference in the way that people give out dating advice for women and for men. It seemed strange to me that most of the therapists advised women to be cautious, whereas the advice for men had a much more ?go for it? feel. It seemed unfair to me at the time, but now I think more highly of it. Men and women are different, and women have to be willing to put on the brakes just as men have to be willing to hit the gas.

You see, different guys are in relationships for different reasons. The problem is that, with some guys, honesty comes later in the relationship. If a guy is mostly into it for fun, he might say what he needs to get what he wants. He might present himself as a guy who is really interested in a serious relationship and wants to get to know you more deeply, but be lying all along. The only real way to know for sure is to take things at your own rate. My dating advice for women is to trust yourself and your needs. Don’t feel like you need to slow things down just because you are the woman in the relationship, but don’t be pressured to speed up either.

There are few really universal pieces of dating advice for women that I give out. You see, every woman is different and, therefore, needs different advice on dating. About the only thing that I can say to all women is ?trust your instincts.? If something seems really fishy about the guy you are dating, there probably is something wrong. Just because you can not put your finger on it does not mean that it isn’t there. In all likelihood, you simply aren’t consciously aware of the issue. Trust yourself anyway You should feel safe with the guy you are seeing, and happy about who he is. If you don’t feel good, find a new relationship.

Often, the people most in need of dating advice for women are also the most reluctant to take me up on it. A lot of the most supposedly independent women are the ones who make the biggest relationship mistakes. Men are the exact same way. Sometimes, people wear a mask of independence to disguise the fact that, beneath it all, they are actually pretty fragile and vulnerable. They may seem to have the world as their oyster, but in actual fact they have relationship problems that stop them from finding kind, supportive partners. When they learn to listen to my dating advice for women, my patients usually stop the habits that are holding them back in their relationships.

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